Monday, August 20, 2007

well, on saturday, i did my best and swore at him en français

OH, HELLO THERE, INTERNET.

I could lie and say that we were taking a planned break, but really? It was more delayed senioritis than anything else. The five of us have all finished up our last years of undergrad, and have wound up in the Big Bad Real World as scientists, management trainees, publishing professionals, news producers, and -- in one notable case -- a rudderless, scatterbrained legal assistant who careens wildly around downtown Boston and manages to get a stiletto heel caught in a sidewalk grate at least twice a week. One of us has moved across the country, one of us is practically living in Canada, and the rest are scattered in post-college apartments around the Boston area. We're growing up, to be blunt about it, and our responsibilities to the seven people who read us sometimes get left by the wayside.

But enough of that.

SUZIE'S FRIEND JEFF, STRANGE TWENTYSOMETHING AND ONE OF THE LAST TEN FANS OF THE NBA: Hey, Eric Gag-Me blew the game last night!
SUZIE: I know. I'm the one who told you.
JEFF: Hey, do you know why I'm calling him Gag-Me? It's because he SUCKS! And it makes me want to GAG! Get it? Huh?
SUZIE: Tell me something. When you clean your ears, do you just jam the Q-Tips into the canal and leave them there?

Honestly, I was psyched about the trade, and I'm still not sure it was the shittiest idea in the world. Seriously, you guys, it's like Theo Epstein walked into Best Buy with an empty Coke can and a coupon for $1 off Hot Pockets and came out with a big-screen TV. And even if the TV goes fuzzy every damn time you try to do something really important, like watch your Arrested Development DVDs, you're still only down a Coke can and a coupon, and who knows what the expiration date on that thing is? Damn thing could only be valid on every third Wednesday of the lunar month on Arizona time or something. In other words, you still make that trade Every. Damn. Time.

When that AL East lead gets anorexic, I'll start worrying. For now, I'd suggest that the rest of you back off the ledge of the Zakim -- damn bridge is broken, you know.