monday roundup

As many of you may know, I am a huge fan of Deadspin, along with its affiliates -- Gawker Media totally owns my life and I'm not ashamed to admit that, even though I probably should be. It's up there with The Dugout and the Chickball Gmail account (hint, readers) on the list of things I must check before actually deciding to join the rest of the human race each morning. Deadspin comes before coffee, it comes before my granola bars, and sometimes, it even comes before LiveJournal. *gasp*

And this, my friends, is why:

Twins center fielder Torii Hunter microwaves his glove for 30 seconds if he fails to make a play the night before. After an error, it's two minutes. "That's punishment [for the glove]," Hunter said. "You do something bad, you go to hell."

Jesus H. Christ on a saltine cracker, man. Torii Hunter is goddamn crazy -- if he keeps this up, he might join Carlosaurus Rex, The Chicken Man, and Ryan "Say Hello to My Leetle Friend" Freel in the Cooperstown Rehabilitation Center for the Terminally Ridiculous.

And will someone please, for the love of all that is holy, think of the glove?

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Rich Harden takes recovery step, plays catch for five minutes -- San Jose Mercury News, 8/11/06

"I'm definitely headed in the right direction right now,'' he said. "I'm closer to my ultimate goal, which is to be back in the game and play. But I don't know how I'm going to feel next week or the week after that. So I don't want to get too far ahead of myself. You never know what's going to happen or how you'll feel.''

Okay, Richie. I love you. I know that. You know that. The federal government probably knows that. You are my Canadian rockstar baseball boyfriend who would rather be playing forward for the Canucks and I would totally take up outdoor winter sports for you. But bro? I thought that was a SportsPickle headline. Five minutes? Was that as long as they let you rent Melhuse for? Did you not feel like putting more quarters in the Catching Machine? BE A MAN.

...unless, of course, Being A Man causes your arm to fall off. Again.

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The Boston Red Sox and I are on speaking terms again, after their weekend sweep of the hapless Poorioles. Josh Beckett goes up against the Tigers' Nate Robertson at Fenway as the Sox try to pull even with the Yankees in the AL East race.