this is depressing.
So, as previously predicted by me, the Cubbies are sucking. Sucking on the mound, at bat, in the field, just plain overall sucking. Not like I know first hand, mind you, since I don't actually see any Cubs games out here, but even if I did, I would turn them off because in the past 6 games the Cubs have been outscored 45-5. I'm sure we could chalk this up to playing great teams and not being up to par. But no, those past 6 games were played against (I am not making this up) Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, and Arizona. I will pause while you gasp in horror and alarm.
Alright, so what's going on here? Why is a team that was set up to do awesome this season swan-diving into the bottom half of the NL Central? To start off with, they're not hitting, which doesn't seem important unless you actually know the rules of baseball. Dusty Baker's summation: "We're just not getting good at-bats with runners in scoring position. We're in a bad way right now. We can't buy a run." But even if they could buy a run, they probably wouldn't because the Tribune Co is getting stingy. Whatever. The solution, obviously, is to perform a strange baseball voodoo dance to reclaim any remaining good luck allotted to the team. Yes.
Another problem with the Cubs is the pitching. The guy who screwed the pooch yesterday against the D-Backs was a call-up from the prestigious Iowa Cubs, and it was his first game. On the first game of your major-league team, do you really want to give up 2 home runs? No. So why was this kid even on the mound? Because Glendon Rusch was put in the bullpen for sucking. And Kerry Wood is still injured. And Mark Prior has food poisoning and a strained shoulder. And Wade Miller went home to get his shoulder looked at. This sounds like a gorram sitcom guys! So, that leaves the Cubs with AAA guys, chat-room skank Carlos Zambrano, and Greg Maddox, whose jockstraps I would gladly bleach.
Yes, I will be wearing my Red Sox hat for a little while longer it seems.
Alright, so what's going on here? Why is a team that was set up to do awesome this season swan-diving into the bottom half of the NL Central? To start off with, they're not hitting, which doesn't seem important unless you actually know the rules of baseball. Dusty Baker's summation: "We're just not getting good at-bats with runners in scoring position. We're in a bad way right now. We can't buy a run." But even if they could buy a run, they probably wouldn't because the Tribune Co is getting stingy. Whatever. The solution, obviously, is to perform a strange baseball voodoo dance to reclaim any remaining good luck allotted to the team. Yes.
Another problem with the Cubs is the pitching. The guy who screwed the pooch yesterday against the D-Backs was a call-up from the prestigious Iowa Cubs, and it was his first game. On the first game of your major-league team, do you really want to give up 2 home runs? No. So why was this kid even on the mound? Because Glendon Rusch was put in the bullpen for sucking. And Kerry Wood is still injured. And Mark Prior has food poisoning and a strained shoulder. And Wade Miller went home to get his shoulder looked at. This sounds like a gorram sitcom guys! So, that leaves the Cubs with AAA guys, chat-room skank Carlos Zambrano, and Greg Maddox, whose jockstraps I would gladly bleach.
Yes, I will be wearing my Red Sox hat for a little while longer it seems.
posted by Emily at 3:17 PM
1 Comments:
"To start off with, they're not hitting, which doesn't seem important unless you actually know the rules of baseball."
<333333 Emily.
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