can we run him out of town on a rail now?

I? Am annoyed. I woke up at 4:30 a.m., sat in the thick of a sorostitute nest on my AirTran flight into Logan, ran out of Cocoa Puffs, and can't find a clean pair of socks. I'm frustrated, tired, hungry, and my feet are FREEZING.

So the obvious solution is to tear Dan Shaughnessy a brand-new asshole.

Famous guest blogs in, the Boston Globe, 3/26/2007

Can someone PLEASE tell me why this man continues to have a job?

There's nothing of substance in this "column." It's a thousand words of vitriol that he probably wrote on the toilet one morning, and I don't know if the bigger piece of shit wound up in the toilet or on the steno pad. First of all, the "bloggers all live in their moms' basements" joke went out of vogue around the same time as pleather trousers and Sisqo did. Second of all, he's a shining example of misogynistic sports culture: all the fake questions are from men, and he talks about "late-night blog boys." Dan, it's 2007. I can vote, I can go to college, and I can run a geeky sports blog, just like the men do. If you're going to fall back on pathetic mockery to continue your lame vendetta -- and seriously, you and Schill got NOTHING on Dave Egan and Ted Williams -- at least stay away from casual chauvinism.

But most of all, I can't believe his sense of entitlement.

I just spent four days in Fort Myers, and I'm PISSED that I'm back in Boston right now. It was warm and there was ice cream and I was 20 feet away from Kevin Youkilis the entire time. Shaughnessy's been given an amazing opportunity -- he gets to spend a month and a half in Florida, all expenses paid, with the sort of player access that regular sports fans dream about. He watches every Sox game at the park for free, and he could be asking probing questions or analyzing games or even writing sentimental schlop about This Wonderful Game.

And what does he do with all of that? He gets "tired and bored."

Let's review. This man gets PAID TO WATCH SPORTING EVENTS. Sometimes, he has to go make an ass out of himself on regional television, but otherwise, he pulls down a decent salary for watching games and writing about them later. (Um, I do that for free, AND I'm cuter.) His job consists of immersing himself in the sort of stuff that the rest of us only get to do after quitting time. And he has the NERVE to say that he's "tired and bored"? No, Dan, "tired" is my dad after he's been driving a tractor-trailer around New England for fifteen hours a day. "Bored" is me after ten hours of archival research, when my eyes are red with the strain of going through every 19th-century legal document I can find just so I can write a single paragraph in a research paper. Red Sox spring training is not the sort of thing that makes anyone "bored and tired," and the fact that he has the nerve to suggest that his monthlong paid vacation is even remotely equivalent to actual WORK, be it manual or mental, is enough to make me pull my own (but much prettier) curly hair out.

So, Dan? I'm not really one to wish others ill -- okay, actually, I am -- but God, I cannot wait for the day when newspapers become obsolete and you have to become a "late-night blog boy" yourself. Good luck finding an audience -- and we're not giving you Manton.

I actually hope he's not kidding

"This can't end well. Can't possibly end well."

The Arizona Daily Star article about Ryan Dempster training to be a ninja

The response from ESPN.com's Patrick Hruby

My own reaction: If this is all true, Ryan, you had an ERA of 4.80 last season. Perhaps working with your pitching coach rather than a sensei might be the better choice. And honestly? Nothing in the sports realm really surprises me anymore.

The Boston Globe, Ron Borges, and the Art of Stupidity

Before I get into this, I'd just like to direct everyone's attention to a hilarious posting on the geniusly named blog "Kissing Suzy Kolber." A sample is to the right. The rest can be found here.

Ok. So, I've been wanting to write about the Ron Borges incident for a few weeks now but didn't really have the time to sit down and give it adequate thought. After having done so, I'd like to address it.

For those unaware, the veteran writer Borges was caught "plagiarizing" (more later on why that is in quotes) after a reader of the website Cold, Hard Football Facts noticed that parts of his Sunday "Football Notes" column in the Boston Globe were lifted, word-for-word, from an article published in the Tacoma News Tribune a week earlier. One example:

From Mike Sando's article about Darrell Jackson, published Feb. 25
"Jackson was leading the NFL in touchdowns last season when a turf-toe injury forced him to miss the final three games. The injury prevented Jackson from achieving his third 1,000-yard season in four years and the fourth overall.

Jackson still led the Seahawks with 63 catches for 956 yards and 10 touchdowns."

From Ron Borges' "Football Notes," published March 4
"Jackson was leading the NFL in touchdowns last season when a turf-toe injury forced him to miss the final three games. The injury prevented him from reaching his third 1,000-yard season in four years, but Jackson still led Seattle with 63 catches for 956 yards and 10 touchdowns."

So there ya go. The reading public became outraged and by the next day, the Globe had suspended Borges for two months without pay. Was this the right move? The average person would say yes, of course. But the average person doesn't know how a notes column works. Many writers subscribe to sport wires, from which they can take pieces of information gathered by other journalists around the country and use the material for their own articles. This has been going on for years with little to no controversy arising. Personally, I think this diminishes the quality of a newspaper's sports section and encourages writers to be less and less creative. Why go out and get your own material when you can just take bits and pieces of other people's reporting and essentially pass it off as your own, right? Journalists think that adding the "information from other sources was used in this report" will safeguard them. As the Borges case demonstrated, it will not. At least, not when you use the information AND the writer's exact phrasing.

To me, the Globe had two options here: suspend Borges OR take away his notes column but keep him on staff. With the latter, they would of course have to release a statement explaining how the wires and notes columns work or else risk coming off soft and unethical. The reality is, Borges has become one of the few remaining icons at the Globe (for better or worse) and people read the paper to see what he has to say. Taking him off the staff is a dumb move, especially when, in Borges' eyes, he did nothing wrong. So, assign him to a high school sports beat for a while and stress the importance of creativity and originality. My problem with what the Globe actually did was the editors seemed a little too quick to get rid of him. Perhaps it was to improve their own image, come off as the virtuous and strong newspaper organization that's combatting plagiarism one corrupt journalist at a time. But in the process, they refused to stand by one of their veteran reporters and now appear disloyal (at least to me). Maybe the Globe’s actions proved satisfactory to readers, but what journalist will want to work for a paper that won't come to the aid of its staff members? When it comes down to it, Borges is not the only one who screwed up.

It's a distressing story. In an era when print journalism is on the decline, scandals like this are less than desirable. Maybe Ron Borges did not think he was doing anything wrong by publishing those excerpts. In reality, he was. He was being lazy and stupid. A veteran journalist at one of the most prestigious newspapers in the country should have the experience and intelligence to know better and strive for a higher level of excellence.

who saw the "hot stove" pun coming?

"Next thing you know, he'll be talking to the media." -- P. Bechtold, 3/20/07

You have only to ask, Pam, and you shall receive.

Ramirez breaks silence, but it takes a grilling
Boston Globe, 3/21/07

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to find my Wakefield jersey, catch a plane to Florida, and stop my dad from buying that grill... not necessarily in that order.

Thoughts after Fort Myers

Last week, I experienced Red Sox spring training at City of Palms Park in Fort Myers, Florida. It was my third time going down and just as fun as the previous trips. I may not have gotten Johnny Damon or Lenny Dinardo's autographs, but this time around, I was able to drink a Corona in the stands. Life is good.

A few observations:

- The Japanese media stalking Dice-K is just as ridiculous as you've heard. There were no less than 10 journalists and camera people surrounding him when he came out to sign balls and jerseys for a few lucky fans... and it was during batting practice... before a spring training game... when he wasn't even pitching.

- I don't know who Manny Ramirez is anymore. The guy came trotting on the field to stretch before the rest of the team and was all smiles with Julio Lugo, David Ortiz, and Kevin Youkilis. Then (brace yourself for this one) he signed autographs for fans. Manny. Sheesh. Next thing you know, he'll be talking to the media.

- Saw ESPN interviewing my homeboy Alex Cora. Finally, someone else is recognizing the awesomeness of Boston's unsung hero.

- The selection of beer at the park was quite impressive. For just $6.50, a steal at any sports facility, you had your choice of 8-10 domestic and imported products. I'd like to see this trend continued at other parks and arenas, because (I know, this is hard to believe) not everyone enjoys Bud Light.

- Alex Ochoa, a non-roster invitee, has one of the best arms I've ever seen. He played right field for a good chunk of the Red Sox-Pirates game I saw and made two incredible throws home to save a run or two. It takes having Johnny Damon on your team for a few seasons to truly appreciate plays like that.

- I had the pleasure of seeing Julian Tavarez relieve Kason Gabbard (who pitched lights-out for three or four innings) and subsequently load the bases, hit a batter, and walk in a run. He left the game after two, having given up two runs that ended up sealing a Pirates win. The only reason they could possibly have for keeping him in? Well, it was the Pirates and it was an exhibition game. His outing served as a subtle reminder that he does indeed suck. Let's hope he has a good April/May and we can use him as trade bait.