ozzie guillen apologizes... but not really

The girls of Chickball are an open-minded lot. We do not endorse discrimination of any kind; we are the exact sort of politically correct middle-class brats you'd expect to find at a high-profile northeastern university. Insults should be thought-out and purposeful; flinging homophobic epithets is cheap, and earns you no street cred. We are all about the love, people.

That said, Ozzie Guillen's "profanity-laced tirade" against Chicago Sun-Times writer and national nuisance Jay Mariotti was inappropriately hilarious. No one's going to argue that anything coming out of Ozzie's mouth that day was tolerable; when you're a high-profile figure, you've got to watch what you say and think before you speak. His words were disgusting, and yeah, my previously high opinion of Crazy Ozzie is taking a nosedive as a result.

But the general sentiment? Rock right the hell on, man. I HATE Jay Mariotti. His obnoxiousness factor is exceeded only by Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times and the Boston Globe's very own Curly-Haired Boyfriend. I'd obviously have appreciated it a whole lot more had he chosen less vile language -- say, "What a piece of shit he is, no-talent irresponsible hack writer with hair like a funeral home director" -- but any time someone lashes out at one of the so-called "pillars" of American sports media, I'm on board, a baby bit.

Additionally, Ozzie's excuse -- that "f**" means something entirely different in his native Venezuela than it does in the U.S. -- is probably bullshit, but it's just as hilarious as the original statement. Why? Because in the end, he's still saying that Mariotti suffers from a serious lack of balls.

(Next up: David Ortiz calls Dan Shaughnessy a "homo" and tries to say that "homo" means "man of impressive coiffure" in the Dominican Republic. All of New England continues to love David Ortiz while snickering as CHB fades into irrelevance.)