I have somewhat of a difficult question, and I'm relying on the intelligent writers and readers of Chickball to help me out.

WHY ON EARTH DID SOMEONE LET RUDY SAENZ INTO THE MAJOR LEAGUES?

I'm sorry, that question had been bothering me for quite some time and I'm hoping someone has an answer.

paranoia strikes deep in the heartland.

NOOOOOO.

Derrek Lee is put on the DL becuase Furcal ran into him and OH MY GOD I HATE RAFEAL FURCAL FOREVER. He broke wrist bones. Sweet, delicate wrist bones. So, it's either Todd Walker (he's okay) or John Mabry (ehhhh) at first for the next 2 months. Remember last summer when the Cubs went into meltdown during the summer because of injuries? Yeah. Yeahhhhhh...

So, there goes the Cubs' season. I'm hoping we go over .500. I better dust off that RSox hat... ::cries::

boston marathon!

I'd just like to congratulate all of the winners of yesterday's Boston Marathon, especially and including Robert Cheruiyot, who set a course record for the men (by 1 second, but still, 26.2 miles in 2:07:14 is pretty sweet no matter how you look at it)- I was watching the race from my window at work, and it was pretty awesome. Ernst Van Dyk also deserves mention for winning the wheelchair division for the fourth year in a row, and for winning by over a mile!!! When you get down to it, though, every single person who competed is pretty amazing and deserves our attention. You go, runners!

ETA- Apparently, Ernst Van Dyk won for the 6th year in a row- my bad. Damn, remind me not to try and race that guy... ever.

Who's your Tiger?

DETROIT (AP) -- The Cleveland Indians beat the Tigers so badly Jim Leyland was compelled to unleash a booming, expletive-filled tirade that could be heard outside the clubhouse.

Now taking bets on how long before Leyland a) has a heart attack, b) hangs himself in the dugout, or c) attacks one of his players with a splintered bat. But honestly, what did he expect? Would YOU accept a job as manager of the Detroit Tigers? Might be good for someone who has low blood pressure. The last time they ended the season above .500 was 1993. And as much as I'd love to think this Chris Shelton craziness will last (because he's currently my star fantasy player), it probably won't. Besides, one stellar player certainly can't carry a team. (See: Texas Rangers during the A-Rod years)

That's all for now. Excuse me while I bask in Jonathan Papelbon's perfection, heroics courtesy of Mark Loretta, and Kevin Youkilis's OBP. Aaaaah.

non-sequitor of the week

so kudos to suzie for the fanciful new layout. pretty snazzy huh? and non-blogger commenting! it's good to live in the 00s.

so this was too weird not to post (and something refreshingly not statistical, if you get easily bored and cross-eyed about numbers like me):

Mark Buehrle, of the Chicago White Sox, got fined on Sunday. "His crime was sliding on the wet tarp during the second rain delay." (chitrib). Yes, everyone, Buehrle apparently always plays slip-and-slide on the tarps during rain delays. I blame a childhood misspent on baseball, instead of waterslides. Anyway, it's making GM Ken Williams nervous, since he might, you know, sprain his head or something else vital to pitching. So they fined Buehrle an undisclosed amount. And, like the 12 year old he is, Buehrle got all mad and said that he can't have fun anymore. Like baseball is about having fun, Mark? Come ON man.

I feel like that's something the Dugout shoulda picked up, but they're talking about Poo-holes again. Oh, it's Pujols? Sorry dude.

it's wacky stats time

NOTE: It's come to my attention that, contrary to what we Chickballers thought, we have a pretty wide readership. (Hi, cousins!) So, to give everyone the opportunity to shoot us some feedback (examples of desired comments include "Emily and Amy, you provide a refreshing non-Bostonian perspective"; "This is Jason Varitek and yes, Beth and Pam, I will marry both of you"; and "Would you like to run this American League baseball club when you graduate, Suzie?") and to puff up our own egos, commenting is now open to non-Blogger members. Just do us all a favor and sign your comments, please!

It's been a weird season so far.

Case in point -- the Boston Red Sox. Mike Lowell ain't dead, Manny Ramirez might be, contract extension talks are happening entirely under the radar, Coco Crisp's finger fell off, and I breathe a sigh of relief when an untested almost-rookie steps onto the mound in a tight save situation. I'm lost, kids, lost like David Wells in a Whole Foods, but first place always feels good.

But Boston's not the only place where things are nutty -- let's take a look at some of the stat leaders so far.

HRs, AL: Chris Shelton, DET. It's always a little strange when you read the stat leader column in the Sunday paper and immediately have to check BaseballReference.com to find out who the hell said stat leader is. For example, I thought Chris Shelton's name was "Ron" or something, and I was pretty sure he was a White Sock. Nope, he's a Tiger. Who knew? Sure as hell not me.

Anyway, Shelton's tied with Albert "A Bad Season Would Involve an OPS under 1.000, and I Can't Believe You Suckers Let Me Fall to the 13th Round" Pujols for the MLB lead, so that's pretty damn wacky right there.

Wins, NL: Oscar Villareal, ATL. This team has Smoltz. It has Huddy. It's got Mike Remlinger, who really isn't very good, but whom I believed to be dead until quite recently, so he gets a mention. But of the Braves' six wins so far, Oscar Villareal (again, whose name I believed to be "Omar") is the pitcher of record in four of them. He leads all of MLB in wins, too, and get this: he's a reliever. Apparently, being in the right place at the right time pays. Just ask Ramiro "The Embedded Yankee" Mendoza, Member, 2004 World Champion Red Sox.

Saves, AL: Jonathan Papelbon, BOS. Seriously, Jonathan Papelbon? Jonathan Papelbon looks like he should be squiring Dakota Fanning to the prom or something. Jonathan Papelbon is, like, 12 years old. But Jonathan Papelbon is the salve for my team's ninth-inning woes, and for that, I have enthusiastically jumped on the Papelwagon. (I love young, fireballing closers: see Street, Huston.) Seven saves in seven chances, leads all of MLB. Mariano Rivera and Trevor Hoffman are tied for 27th. Y'know, just sayin'.

AVG, AL: Ramon Hernandez, BAL. No, seriously? Ramon Hernandez is hitting .568 and is 2nd in OBP behind Chris "Ron" Shelton? I'd forgotten Ramon Hernandez actually existed after he stopped being an Oakland A (and then I only paid attention to him because he was catching Huddy, Mulder, and Zito). I think I believed him to be an astray Molina or something. Anyway, props to you, Mr. Hernandez, for being en fuego in April. I'm sure it'll assuage the pain of being on an absolutely abysmal team come August.

HBP, AL: Jason Kendall, OAK. Okay, I guess I'm only surprised about this because I feel like the uncontested leader in this category should always be Alex Rodriguez. Oh, like you wouldn't.

cubs report!

so, the big news of EVER is in: the cubs have resigned derrek lee.

"Cubs All-Star first baseman Derrek Lee has signed a five-year contract with a no-trade clause for an estimated $65 million." --ChiTrib

he's the 2nd highest paid cub in history, only behind sammy sosa. but if it counts for anything, he's my grandpa's favorite player. and that man has been watching the cubbies since '24, so he should know quality when he sees it.

unfortunately, bronson arroyo (hey, we know that guy!) hit his only 2 homeruns in 6 seasons off the cubs in the last 2 weeks. uh, what? beyond that fluke of nature, the cubs are doing better than i expected and that's very nice. huzzah.

oh, and the red sox are doing awesome, especially that cute papelbon kid. hey, maybe suzie could espouse her love for him or something... oh that already happened? oh, okay. ^_^

an open letter to jonathan papelbon

Attn: Jonathan Papelbon, Newly Anointed Boston Red Sox Closer (Eat That, Foulke)
From: Suzie "Jumping the Gun" Brown
RE: 97 Miles Per Hour? Surely You Jest!

Mr. Papelbon:

I love you. Like, a lot. Chicks may dig the long ball, but ice-water veins do the trick, too. I'm buying your jersey this week and it's not just because I'm running out of clean clothes to wear.

-- Suzie

Say Whaa?

This may just be some sort of feverish hallucination, but are the Brewers and the Tigers the last two undefeated teams in MLB??? And are the Sox 3-1, while the Yankees are 1-3?
Gotta love spring baseball, particularly when it brings your team 14-8 wins in the division. :)

welcome to baseball season

Spring is in the air. You can smell the excitement sizzling around Kenmore and buzzing throughout Boston. You see the baseball caps have returned to nearly every head from their winter storage, and you just might be lucky enough to have the lights of Fenway shine through your window at night. It's a new season, a practically all new team, and a new start once again. That's right, it was opening day.

Of course, all that is just heresay, as I'm still languishing in London with the heathens who think cricket, rugby and footie are the only sports worth an audience, and my version of opening day was more like "check Yahoo sports (spastically, for the score updates), check MLB.com, read the blessed copy of Sports Illustrated (baseball preview) I was given from the States, check SI.com, check Yahoo sports even more spastically, etc etc etc." Oh, and wish fervently that I had my baseball cap and that I could be back in the States for even just one day.

But welcome back to baseball season, kids, and get ready to enjoy the ride...

And as a side note, both my teams won their opener last night. Oswalt and Schill were both in fine form, my boy Bidge did his thing with the double, Ortiiiizzz did his thing with the home run, and by the end of the night, I was at peace with the world. Well, as at peace as I can be when I'm not actually in the land of baseball mania and have to live vicariously.

And... they're back. Let's roll.