trade talk from the secret chickball files

Through channels they don't wish to discuss -- but which involved a catapult, some jam, Huston Street's whitening toothpaste and a hell of a lot of alcohol -- Pam and Suzie got their hands on Billy Beane's BlackBerry. Here's the advanced trade scoop they managed to copy down before he chased them out of his office with a baseball bat and a number of expletives they'd never heard before.

Date: Sun, 23 Jul 2006
From: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
To: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
Subject: Trade talk

Sup, Billy -

K, you know I want Zito. I know you have a mancrush on my boy Milledge. I need another starter, you want my high-fiving rookie who can't play left field at Fenway Park PLUS that Heilman guy AND some other dude. I dunno, man. I'm willing to overpay for Zito but the Milledge kid is good. Holla at me, dawg.

-Omar

*

Date: Mon, 24 Jul 2006
From: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
To: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
Subject: RE: Trade talk

Omar --

Do not insinuate that I have any sort of crush on Milledge. Do you think sharing a name with the one openly gay former player in the majors is particularly easy?

My team's in first with a damn good chance of taking the division, and no snide-ass remarks about only having to beat three other teams; you play 19 games a year against the team formerly known as the Montreal Expos. If you want Zito, I need to be hearing more names than that of a guy who still doesn't know how to catch a ball.

-- B.B.

*

Date: Tue, 25 Jul 2006
From: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
To: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
Subject: Payroll

Ok, man, ok. Now, we're taking the NL East title no matter what goes down. And your team still doesn't have enough depth to make it far into the playoffs so I don't know what that mean Expos comment was all about. (Oh, who ARE the Expos now anyway? Is it that red team Jimmy Bowden runs? They have, like, no deniro to spend, dawg.) And speaking of money, David Wright isn't eating up enough of our payroll. We could definitely go for some other guy who's more expensive, so I'm willing to talk about Wright.

-Omar

P.S.- You love Milledge and you KNOW it. Everyone knows it. Buster Olney said he saw you two canoodling in an NYC bar.

*

Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2006
From: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
To: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
Subject: The "red team"? For serious?

You're up against the Nationals (or the "red team," if you're going to insist...), the Braves (a dynasty slowly collapsing like a flan in a cupboard), the Marlins (I think you're paying Pedro the total of their entire payroll), and the Phillies (wife-beaters, run by Pat Gillick, who's crazier than you). Don't act like taking the NL East is some great feat. I've had a harder time walking Chavez' dog.

Speaking of Chavez, I've got him at third for the next thousand years, approximately. Keep Wright and give him a bunch of useless incentives. That'll help your compulsive need to spend, you woman.

I could do with some offensive help. Whatcha got?

-- B.B.

P.S. -- Harold Reynolds got fired for sexually harassing Buster Olney. You didn't hear it from me.

*

Date: Thu, 27 Jul 2006
From: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
To: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
Subject: Ozzie is so hearing about this

How can you not want Wright? He's so hot (or at least that's what my secretary Paul Lo Duca tells me) and if you're getting rid of Zito, you need a player equally good-looking to take his place and keep the Oakland fans happy. (Because we all know your fan base consists of a bunch of women.) If it's offense you want, take Jose Valentin. His mustache has been bothering me for years.

-Omar

P.S.- I'ma pretend you didn't call me "woman" and laugh MINAYACALLY because there are hundreds of websites on this Internet thing that make reference to your possible homosexuality. If Ozzie Guillen doesn't know this now, he will soon, courtesy of me. LOL!

*

Date: Fri, 28 Jul 2006
From: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
To: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
Subject: Billy Beane doesn't need pick up lines, he simply says "NOW"

Rich Harden. Huston Street. Bobby Crosby. Nick Swisher. The women of the Oakland fanbase are fine, Omar. Don't imply that I can't satisfy the ladies or you will be choking like your cross-town rivals. I am Billy Beane, man. I am the MacGyver of professional baseball management. I am straighter than Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel combined. Don't mess.

And Lo Duca is your secretary like Joe Blanton is my valet.

Milledge and Heilman for Zito. I've pwned everyone else in this game. Just get in line.

-- B.B.

P.S. -- "this internet thing"? Glad to know you've joined the rest of us in the 21st century, Omar. Bring Sabean and Colletti next time, okay?

*

Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2006
From: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
To: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
Subject: You suck

Okay, fine, it's a deal. Good luck in the playoffs with that big payroll of yours... loser. Hahahahahaha!

-Omar

P.S.- You know how I know you're gay? You like Paul DePodesta.

*

Date: Sun, 30 Jul 2006
From: Billy Beane (BeaneBall@smallmarket.com)
To: Omar Minaya (BigSpenda@theotherNYteam.com)
Subject: How creative, man

Omar,

Remember that scene from THE GODFATHER in which someone who crossed Don Vito ends up with a horse head in his bed?

Keep it in mind, man, keep it in mind.

Pleasure doing business with you. Oh, and Zito likes incense and skanky WB actresses. Just so you know.

-- B.B.

abreu in pinstripes - a scary thought

Abreu, Lidle sent to Yankees for prospects

Pure salary dump here. Pat Gillick rids the Philles of Abreu's monster contract (a godawful $15mil for next year alone with a $16mil option for 2008) and throws in Cory Lidle, whose picture appears in the margins when you look up "mediocrity" in the dictionary.

When it comes to Yankees trades, the natural instinct of your average Sox fan is to point and laugh and talk about how dumb said trade was. This one's no exception; I've heard that Abreu is lazy, that he's only hit one homer in two months, that he's not going to have that much of an impact on the Yankees' lineup. The New England Chickballers are not, as you might have noticed by this point, your average Sox fans, and I'll say it straight-up: Bobby Abreu in right field at Yankee Stadium is a terrifying thought.

So Abreu's not hitting homers like usual -- it's not affecting his slugging percentage much. As of this second, Bobby Abreu's 2006 SLG is .434. Last year, it was .474, and SLG fluctuates much more than other offensive statistics. He's got 25 doubles, 2 triples, and 8 home runs; his BA is .277. They're not his 2004 numbers, but they're not anything you'd want to sneeze at.

You've also got to consider the frequency with which Abreu walks. He's got 91 on the season, and his OBP of .427 (!) is good for third in the NL. Put him in the AL and he's tied with Jeter for third over here. He's still an absolute beast at the plate, and the only thing that makes him less valuable as a player is the size of his contract; since that's never been a concern for the Yankees, I'm not seeing a downside for the Bombers here. Offensively, the AL East race just got even tighter.

The Lidle part of this deal isn't all that impressive; the extra warm body probably makes the Yankees organization feel slightly better about giving up C.J. Henry, who could develop into something special. The last time Lidle pitched in the AL, his ERA was 5.75. He'll apparently be taking over for the absolutely dreadful sack of fat known as Sidney Ponson, who's gone 4-5 with a 5.79 ERA this season. Nevertheless, it's hard to get any worse than Ponson, so while the Lidle trade isn't anything special, it's not a stupid move.

Conclusion: Brian Cashman is a lot smarter than many people think, and Pat Gillick just got fleeced in a salary dump.

*

In other Phillies news, second baseman and hotass-in-residence Chase Utley went 2-for-5 to extend his hitting streak to an even 30.

And now for something completely different

While Suzie and Pam are busy writing about mundane subjects, such as trades and playoff potential, I'm going to be covering something EARTH SHATTERING:

The Brewers have a new sausage.

Yes, dear readers, I will be Chickballing about weiners. That sounds more sexy than it really is.

The newest sausage is Chorizo, which marks an acceptance of all the Mexicans living in Milwaukee. Our cubical has Chorizo winning his inaugural race on Saturday, simply because the sausage races are rigged. Chorizo will train in the Minors and start big league games next season. Saturday is Mexican Appreciation day at Miller Park, which strangely enough coincides with German Fest (which my father is going to and that's the only reason I know it exists). So Germans v. Mexicans, who will win? The Mexicans will have more fun, but the Germans will claim more people and thus the victory. If you take the previous sentence you get the root of my family problems. Ahem.

Chorizo joins Bratwurst, Polish and Italian Sausage, and Hot Dog in the races, which according to my cubemate are "kinda anticlimactic". Of course I bet it's more entertaining if you're 6. The most exciting part about Brewers-in-Spanish Day (Cerveceros Day) is the free hat for the first lots of people who come in. The hat says Cerveceros instead of Brewers! They're so clever up there. Signing off!

crazy carl can go get that paleontology degree now

While the rest of you were marveling at Lance Bass coming out of the closet...

Mariners acquire Broussard from Tribe, cut Everett -- MLB.com, 7/26/06

Broussard, 29, was hitting .321 with 13 home runs and 46 RBIs in 88 games for the Indians. He'll likely be the team's designated hitter against right-handed pitching now that the Mariners have parted ways with Carl Everett by designating him for assignment earlier Wednesday.

Carl Everett doesn't believe in dinosaurs, and Bill Bavasi doesn't believe in Carl Everett. The worm has turned, Carl.

*

Elsewhere, Minnesota swept Chicago, putting the Joe Mauer Power Hour into a tie for second in the AL Central with those very same White Sox. Ken Williams is hoping Ozzie Guillen will verbally abuse someone else to draw attention from the Sox' slumping bats.

*

The Yankees acquired Sal Fasano from the Phillies for minor-leaguer Hector Made. I would like to draw our readers' attention to what, exactly, Sal Fasano looks like.

Apparently, the Yankees are trying to recapture the magic of the 1978 season by exclusively employing players who would be right at home in 1978. (I'm not kidding. During the Phils-Sox series, my dad wandered into the room, saw Sal Fasano, and asked me why I was watching ESPN Classic.)

*

Danny Haren got his first win since June 14 today as the A's beat the Red Sox, 5-1. The Red Sox lost and Bobby Crosby strained his back, so I'm not going to talk about it.

Seriously, who the hell took Crosby out of the bubble wrap?

Well, you know what I heard...

I love this time of year. Sports fans and journalists alike turn into high school girls, with their lives revolving around "who traded for who" rather than "which BFF stole Becca's totally hot BF." It's now July 26 and GM's have just five days to turn their teams around. Let's take a look at some of the goings-on.

Dodgers acquire RHP Dessens for Perez, prospects

Upon hearing this, I simply laughed. Basically, I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the Kansas City front office. "Ok, guys, here's the deal. We suck. We have the worst record in the League and we also happen to be in the toughest division. So here's the plan: We trade a mediocre pitcher for a flat-out atrocious one. I know! It's genius. Funny thing is, LA actually wanted to get rid of the guy. I can't understand it! Ya know what? Watch out, Detroit!!" Dessens wasn't great. This season, he's 5-7 with a 4.50 ERA. But Perez? Try 4-4 with a 6.83 ERA. I mean... wow. This is a guy who ESPN described as a "disgruntled left-hander." Way worse than Boston's acquisition of Jason Johnson. But wait, it gets better...

Brewers trade for Graffanino to shore up infield

So now you're thinking the Royals must have gotten somebody decent for Graffanino. Think again. The Brewers gave up Jorge de la Rosa, a relief pitcher currently on the DL who has an ERA of (wait for it... waaaait foooor iiiit) 8.60. Holy cow! Now THERE'S a pickup for your fantasy team!

Alfonso Soriano to *insert team here*

Who knows. First we're hearing that the Nationals and White Sox are close to an agreement, then word comes out that they're nowhere close and Nats GM Jim Bowden is shopping Soriano around the whole league. I wouldn't be surprised if Detroit and Minnesota get in on the bidding, although the Twins aren't exactly the richest team in the league and can't afford to overpay for anyone at this point.

Bobby Abreu to... the Sox?

Yesterday's big rumor was Trot Nixon for Abreu. Of course I love Trot but his contract is up at the end of the season and it doesn't look like the Red Sox will be resigning him, given his age and tailing numbers. So this trade would be HUGE for the Sox. Of course, every other team able to fork over a few million wants last year's Homerun Derby champ. Abreu's current team, the Phillies, wants someone just as good in return, preferably a pitcher, and that won't be easy. But hey, if history tells us anything, we can expect a shrewd GM to screw over the Phillies and bring each Philadelphia fan ever closer to a nervous breakdown and/or career as a serial killer.

Julio Lugo the wife beater

The Sox are interested. Count me among the thousands who think this guy is the creepiest person ever to walk out of a dugout. I can understand why the Sox would go after him but I don't agree with it. Alex Gonzalez is the best defensive shortstop in the league and his batting has improved tremendously as the season has progressed. Lugo has 16 stolen bases, compared to Gonzalez's 1, his BA is significantly higher, and he has four more homers. But... I'm sorry, I just really don't want this guy on my beloved team. Kudos to the D-Rays for unloading him, though. He makes $5 million a year and with B.J. Upton primed for the majors, they really don't need Lugo and his crazy eyes/rapist facial hair in Tampa much longer.

Miguel Tejada: The Orioles are listening

And that's about all they're doing. No way he'll be traded unless some team is desperate enough to send the O's several guys, including an impact player. Giving up Tejada for anything less than stellar would be the death knell on Baltimore's season, no question.

The last of the Big Three

Rumors about Barry Zito to the Mets are circulating. Word on the street is Billy Beane has a mancrush on Lastings Milledge (the rookie that high-fived fans on his way back to the dugout). The A's can't possibly make a decent playoff run if they trade Zito and don't get another pitcher in return, though. Billy obviously knows that, so it'll be interesting to see how this one pans out. Also in the back of Mr. Moneyball's mind: Zito's agent, Scott Bora$. Could the A's REALLY afford to keep him once the season ends? My guess is no. But the Mets could for sure cuz Omar Minaya is a big spenda. For reals.

*****

So there's my version of a sports gossip column. Forget People and US Weekly: Chickball is here to stay, killer layout and all.

tuesday roundup

ESPN fires Reynolds -- NY Post, 7/25/06

ESPN yesterday fired analyst Harold Reynolds from Baseball Tonight, sources told The Post. The reason was not immediately known.

The Commish is out indefinitely, Reynolds has been DFA'd (presumably for eating Chris Berman's lunch or something) -- doesn't look good for Team Baseball Tonight, folks.

Maybe they were trying to fire Joe Morgan instead and picked the wrong former 2B to pink-slip?

*

On a lighter note, Chickballers Suzie, Beth, and Amy road-tripped down to Cape Cod this weekend to do some advanced scouting on the Hyannis Mets. (Verdict: #20 can crank it, and the view from behind ain't bad.) Before getting down to business, however, we hit the beach and learned to sail.



Or, you know, posed in exaggerated batting stances with the oars.

work update, shhhh don't tell

Let's hear some NOIIIZE for the new layout! Suzie and Chickball-friend Nick need some major props for our adorable caricatures. If you can't figure out who's who, you probably should do some research on your resident Chickballers. But not too much research, because that could qualify as stalking.

ESPN's MLB Front Page declares that ARod needs to be traded (since, you know, he sucks) and my only question is: who would want him? He's way overpaid (yes, he is, I won't take any arguments on this point) and any talent he might have is grossly outweighed by the fact that there are a lot more people that dislike him than actually cheer for him. Of course likeability is not considered a great deal in baseball trades, but I like to pretend that someone cares about the fans' opinions. Ha.

Speaking of overpaid superstars, Sammy Sosa's trying to come back to baseball and nobody wants him. That's very sad to me, growing up with him on the Cubs for all those years. I really doubt the Cubs want him back again, despite the claims that there's no bad blood there. His ego is a little out of control if he thinks he can just saunter back into Major League Baseball and go back to being beloved after sucking for the past few seasons and then "taking a break" or whatever he was doing. If baseball is anything like relationships, "taking a break" is only a few words away from "breakup". He really should just declare retirement (since he's one of 10% of Americans who can afford it*) and bow out as gracefully as Corky Romano can.

I think this Soriano trade is getting way too blown up here. He'll be a positive contribution to the Sox's lineup, but it's going to take more than a trade to catch up with the Tigers (the TIGERS??! I can't get over that...). Ozzie seriously needs to get his team back together. He shaved his goat, it doesn't look very good. What I want to know is, why aren't the Cubs doing any serious trading? Come ON Jim, the blood letting has got to stop, and it's not going to stop by putting Lee back on the DL and not taking advantage of the trade deadline.

I think when I'm ridiculously wealthy I'll buy a baseball team and let the Chickball girls run it. How cool would that be? Someone tell me why my posts are always so random...

* I made that statistic up. Oh yeah.

Marky Mark's rough outing

Poll: How many think Mark Loretta was hungover for yesterday afternoon's Red Sox-Rangers game?

I was there. The crowd was NOT pleased with his baserunning antics.

And I have some GREAT news: Hazel Mae's contract with NESN has been extended!! She's, like, the best sports anchor EVER! (As if the "I <3 Hazel Mae" t-shirts outside Fenway weren't enough...)

C'mon, let's go! I can take you!

John Gibbons challenged Shea Hillenbrand to fight prior to dismissal

Suzie and I haven't seen eye to eye about Shea Hillenbrand since the incident mentioned in the article where he expressed... displeasure with Theo about being traded for B.K. Kim after Bill Mueller showed what an asset he was going to be down at the Hot Corner. Honestly, I thought Shea's actions were very immature and inappropriate at the time, but at the same time, if I'd gotten traded for the guy who not two years ago blew two saves against the Yankees in the World Series, I'd be pretty pissed too. Despite that, he'd been tied for my favorite player (with Tekker) during his brief tenure on the team- he had a very impressive rookie year and IS GOOD LOOKING I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY SUZANNE- and I'd been willing to let it slide as a moment of pique.

This whole situation in Toronto, though, begins to make a disturbing pattern start to stand out. Shea seems to have a pretty hot temper, and says pretty much whatever is coming through his mind, appropriate or not. Writing on the bulletin board is childish, and not exactly what you should be doing to win the POSITIVE attention of your club (ask Suzie or I about a funny parallel involving a red pen and a party). Whether or not Shea had right to be angry (which I'm leaning towards not), Gibbons had every right to be pissed off at Shea, although public shaming is not exactly the most mature "higher ground" response. In a way, I think it's good he was made an example of, if only to show other major leaguers (COUGH*BARRY BONDS*COUGH) that no one is above the team, and that if you cause trouble (ala Gary Sheffield), no one will want to keep you around for very long.

My sympathy for Gibbons ends, though, at the point that he challenged one of his players to a physical fight. As the manager, you need to show the team that you're in charge, and sinking to the level of a player who is acting childishly is hardly the way to do that. Be mad at him, yes, show other players that such behavior will NOT be tolerated, yes, get him fired, I suppose if the situation is that bad. This whole incident and the continuing coverage of it is rapidly becoming a stain on the Blue Jays organization almost as much as it is on Hillenbrand. In the same vein as Pam's last article, I guess it's just a sad reality of professional sports that little boys will be little boys, as much as we'd often wish they'd act like men. In the sometimes-but-not-usually-humble opinion of this MLB fan, the best thing Shea and the team could do for themselves is stop talking to the media about it, trade Shea to a team that is willing to take the chance on him, and let the whole spitting contest that this has become die.

The continuing idiocy of professional athletes

As I perused ESPN.com this morning, I noticed a common theme in the articles. I know what you're thinking and yes, they all happened to be about sports. (ESPN always seems to do that...) But what also struck me was this: Professional athletes constantly refusing to take responsibility for their actions.

It's not enough, apparently, that they get away with everything from DUI's to bar fights with few consequences. There might be a little blurb in a newspaper's sports section about the incident, maybe even a second mention when the player is acquitted, but that's it. Unless it's something REALLY serious or the event somehow affects the player's performance, these behavioral issues can pass unnoticed. Why is that? Why does the media not cover these things more thoroughly? Is it because people idolize athletes and the media refuses to burst people's delusional bubbles? Do they actually want kids to look up to these players? It's like a conspiracy or the media is being brainwashed to portray these idiot athletes in a fairly positive light.

Let's examine a few situations.

Suzie somewhat covered the Brett Myers incident but the thing that outrages me the most is not so much Myers' actions (while they were frightening, inexcusable and repulsive) but rather the Phillies' and media's reaction. What person in their right mind would attempt to be supportive in such a situation? And why wasn't the public outcry more pronounced? Sadly, Dan Shaughnessy was one of very few journalists who actually addressed the issue in a timely manner and criticized Myers. Phillies fans seemed fairly indifferent to the situation (hey, he's their best pitcher!) but thankfully, the Boston fans booed the crap out of him when he started shortly after the assault (which never should have happened). This kind of stuff happens all the time. Julio Lugo, Dmitri Young, Will Cordero, and Derek Lowe have been accused of spousal abuse... and three of the four are still active MLB players. I'd be curious to see how many athletes in such situations have actually publicly apologized for their actions. I'm guessing very few.

Then there's good old Terrell Owens. Nothing seems to be his fault. From what I've read, his book is a piece of junk that does little more than blame others for his troubles. Could it be that he has zero respect, no rapport with the media, and thinks he's God? Nah. People are just out to get him. Anyone can see that.

(For all those interested, I'm currently accepting bets on who will kill the other first, T.O. or Bill Parcells.)

Finally, we come to Zinedine Zidane. I really can't comprehend this, no matter how many articles and interviews I read. Ok, so he was insulted. Ever happened to you? Anyone ever made a racist comment? Belittled your existence? Told a few "Your mama's so fat" jokes? It's a lucky individual who has never dealt with an ignorant asshole who was trying to push them over the edge. But I like to think that the average human being can keep their cool. I deal with obnoxious, insulting people all the time at my place of employment and not once have I reached across the front desk and punched someone in the face. It's hard to make such a comparison here, though, because the Zidane incident was on a much higher scale. He headbutted Marco Materazzi on international television in one of the most important soccer matches of his life. And he's not even sorry he did it. He's sorry kids had to see it. But he refuses to apologize. Yeah, that's setting a GREAT example for all those young soccer fans.

I don't get it.

I suppose it's all just a part of my Loss of Innocence, Sports Style. The more I see these things, the more I question people's tendency to put athletes on a pedestal (not that I've ever agreed with that). These players are born with the gift of athleticism and they don't even have the mental skills or desire to say, "Sorry" or "It was entirely my fault." It's hard to imagine that anything will change but a little outcry from journalists and fans wouldn't hurt.

the triumphant return of emmers

i am not dead!

but the cubs' season is!

i can't believe the chisox got swept by the yankees. gross.

gabe kapler > brett myers, CLEARLY

It goes without saying that the Brett Myers sitch over in Philly is about as messy as anything can get. First, Myers punches his wife in the face (witnesses heard her saying "please don't hit me anymore"); then the Phillies organization makes the colossal mistake of trying to stand behind the bastard. Now, teammates like Ryan Howard are making supportive statements to the press.

"It's going to be tough whenever we're on the road. You hope it's not going to be as bad at home," Howard said. "You hope fans will rally behind him. Forgive. Forget about it. Hopefully, the fans will put it behind them. And behind us."

Fans shouldn't rally behind him, they shouldn't forgive, and they shouldn't forget about it. If George Brett's career can be stained with pine tar, then this incident should follow Brett Myers around for the rest of his goddamn days.

I've started and stopped a number of posts on this subject, and I've come to the conclusion that -- no matter how much I want to write one -- the last thing the blogosphere really needs is another angry post all about Brett Myers.

I'd like to draw our readers' attention to The Gabe Kapler Foundation, an organization started by everyone's favorite Red Sox backup outfielder and his family. The Kapler Foundation has been drawing attention to and combating domestic violence since 2004. Gabe and Lisa Kapler, along with Gabe's parents, work to empower victims of domestic violence and provide resources for victims living in transitional shelters. The Kaplers are particularly concerned with the safety of children who have been affected.

Some excerpts:

Although making it to the big leagues fulfilled his childhood dream, Gabe now dreams about helping all children feel safe enough to focus on dreams of their own. Gabe is convinced that all men have an obligation to speak out against domestic violence. Each man has the opportunity and the responsibility to serve as a role model and teacher for other men and boys in their treatment of women and children.

As the wife of a professional baseball player, Lisa believes that professional athletes and celebrities have been granted a gift, the gift of celebrity, that empowers them to help their communities by bringing important social issues into the spotlight. Gabe Kapler is doing just that! Lisa and Gabe chose to tell her story so that other women, especially teenagers, would know what signs to look for and how to protect themselves from becoming victims of abuse.

The website provides information about upcoming Kapler Foundation events, how to donate to organizations dedicated to stopping the cycle, and links to websites that provide information and help for victims of abuse.

I won't lie -- the waterworks started while I was reading Lisa Kapler's personal story. These are good people, y'all.

Instead of spouting more angry (yet well-intentioned) rhetoric, I urge everyone reading this to visit the Kapler Foundation's website and the sites to which they link, and to think about donating money or volunteering their time. It's important to send a message that behavior like Myers' shouldn't and won't be tolerated, but actions are just as important as words.

Oh, Jorge

Just wanted everyone to know that they're now selling "POSADA SMELLS LIKE PEE" t-shirts outside Fenway. In my opinion, this far surpasses "POSADA IS A LITTLE BITCH" and any other vulgar Yankee-related shirt. Fantastic.

Pammy being Pammy

A few thoughts...

• I'm really excited to read this. We had the author, Seth Mnookin, on "Sports Pulse" last night and he was a really interesting guy. Kind of ironic that the team gave him fairly unrestricted access to all things Red Sox (including his own desk in the clubhouse) and now reports are coming out that the front office is less than pleased with the book's material. Come on. What did they expect? Any idiot could see without being directly told that Theo and Lucchino's relationship was, er, strained, that Dan Shaughnessy is a douche that may have swayed Theo to not renew his contract, and that Nomar wasn't exactly happy in Boston anymore. Now someone is telling us that. The most intriguing part of reading this book will be to see if my Why Did Theo Leave theory is actually correct.
• So we all hate Rudy Seanez. We all cringe when he emerges from the bullpen and cross our fingers that he only gives up a run or two. And it seems that we weren't totally out of line in bashing the guy because check out this statistic: Seanez has allowed a .519 batting average (.548 OBP) to the first batters he has faced. That is disgusting. Sure, the BA drops to .227 and the OBP to .309 after that. But still. Ew.
• I can't believe the Globe published an article about kids sneaking into Fenway Park. And I can't believe those kids agreed to be the subject of the article. Are they so mentally incompetent to think the story could make the front page of the sports section, give them their 15 minutes of fame, and then STILL be able to sneak into the park? Nice one, guys. Security will almost certainly be bumped up in areas that can be breached and now you'll have to pay full price for tickets (if you can even get tickets) just like everyone else.
• If Manny is really injured with a torn meniscus (this happened to my mom and it is not a fun thing), I hope Bud Selig and everyone in the media who criticized him for skipping out on the All-Star game feel terrible and apologize in some way. I mean, I know it won't happen but it would be nice. You hear that, Mr. Olney? Get off your high ESPN.com horse and stop being so dramatic.
• I bought my Papelbon shirt about a month ago and have received one of three remarks in regards to it. 1) "That is AWESOME. 2) "I didn't know they were making those shirts!" 3) "Who's that?" (Trust me, it's been very difficult to take any baseball fan seriously after they say that last thing. Same goes for people wanting to know who Joe Mauer is. Uh, hello?)

A long hard look, huh?

Oh gee, I wonder why female "sports fans" aren't taken seriously. Hmm, maybe it's because of published CRAP like this.


(And while we're here, why not say it: She has bad taste. Nixon but not Ortiz? Come on, now.)

bing bang boom

On the home run derby... updated live while watching...

Baby Jonathan Papelbon with his too-big American League jersey, tiny video camera, and huge baby-faced smile taking it all in = priceless. I do love that kid a lot.

Berky hits it into the water! Although the kayaks are mildly amusing, the guy that just jumped out of his kayak to swim for the ball is amplified amusement.

Miguel Cabrera also looks like a baby. It's really weird that there are so many ballplayers these days who are right around my age. 9 HRs to start. Hotness. Too bad the poor kid plays for Florida.

And yeah I still love and adore 'Tiz. Papi wha!?! He hasn't even batted yet and I'm just sitting here lovin' the man. I very rarely see him not smiling, and I think that's great. Full grown men still loving the game... it keeps them young, and it keeps them fun, or at least it keeps Papi fun. I also love how all the children are sitting and running around on the field... I don't even like children that much, but small children + baseball kind of = love.

David Wright? Why have I never paid attention to him before? Yep, and he's another youngin,' only a couple years older than all of us at Chickball. Holy.... good grief man, we get the point! 16 huge HRs in the first round... okay, I'll admit it, it's true, chicks to dig the long ball. (But a disclaimer: we also love some good strategy and run manufacturing too.)

I need a break. Maybe some more comments at the end of all this if I'm still awake.

Da B's

If you're a Boston Bruins fan (yes, I'm addressing all 50 of you), this is arguably the most exciting off-season in years. Coming off a disappointing post-lockout season, the Bruins have been doing everything right to bring their franchise back to life AND attract fans. Let's take a look.

Bring on the staffing changes

Head Coach Mike Sullivan can't be solely blamed for the Bruins' troubles this past year. When two of your best players are traded mid-season in a wave of panic, the situation doesn't look so good. Unfortunately for, well, everyone involved (except possibly the two players themselves who were probably conflicted with The A-Rod-while-on-the-Rangers "Shit, I'm on a cruddy team and there's no way we're making it to the playoffs" Syndrome) , Sergei Samsonov went to the Edmonton Oilers and Joe Thornton headed to the San Jose Sharks. (Yes, he was the captain of the B's. Imagine Jason Varitek being traded in July because the Red Sox weren't looking so good. Ridiculous, right? Or better yet, imagine that the Sox's one-two punch guys, Manny and Ortiz, were BOTH TRADED because the rest of the team wasn't producing. Again, ridiculous.) Sure, Thornton was overpaid and not producing as well as the team would have liked, but the B's didn't make it into the playoffs. Actually, they ended the season with the fifth-worst record in the league. GM Mike O'Connell was fired after their season imploded, and now Sullivan is gone. But things are looking up with interim GM Jeff Gorton making some great moves for the team and Peter Chiarelli officially taking over those duties on July 15. Gorton will remain on staff as Assistant GM and continue to be a valuable asset. And now, Dave Lewis (an edgy, no-nonsense guy who's just what the Bruins need) has joined the organization as head coach. Sure, owner Jeremy Jacobs and his less-than-popular staff (including son Charlie, who's the Executive VP of the organization) are still in power but a new GM and head coach are here to give some hope.

New blood

Yes, Samsonov and Thornton are gone. Time to welcome Zdeno Chara and Marc Savard to the team. Chara comes to the B's as one of the best available free agents this off-season. Quite a feat for Gorton to land him, and it has Boston all abuzz. Chara is one of the league's best defensemen (standing at 6'9") and routinely logs 30 minutes of playing time a night. He joins Paul Mara and Brad Stuart to make a nice little defensive staff for the Bruins. As for Savard, he (finally) brings a second scoring center to the team. He's joined by recently acquired Mark Mowers, who, as a former Red Wing, was most likely recommended by Dave Lewis, a former Red Wings coach who must have a good bit of confidence in Mowers. As for goaltending, we'll see what Hannu Toivonen can do coming off an ankle injury. There's always prospect Tuuka Rask, young but promising.

Oh, and that Phil Kessel kid they just drafted. He's pretty good, too.

Here's an idea: Let's NOT alienate the fans

The Bruins made a wise decision in executing a complete overhaul of the team. Yeah, you could look at it as a "We didn't have much of a choice" situation, but it was SUCH a good move in attracting fans. This looks like a new team, fresh and ready to dominate after a terrible season. They're not overpaying for players past their prime. They're not holding onto aging guys like Shawn McEachern and Travis Green but instead buying out their contracts and aggressively going after valuable free agents. This team is proving to fans that it DOES care and DOES want to make a decent playoff run, if not go all the way. The upped salary cap definitely helps and the B's are also willing to spend the money.

The head coaching change was key, too. Like I said, it wasn't all Mike Sullivan's fault that the team sucked it up, but leaving him in charge would have proved a questionable move for the franchise and possibly ostracized already frustrated fans. Let's compare the situation to another Boston team: Do you keep Kevin Kennedy as Red Sox manager after a horrendous year? Do you hold on to Grady after he blows the season? Exactly. Bruins fans needed hope in the form of a new guy like Dave Lewis. With the new NHL rules and wide open playing style, which allows players to truly show off their ability and make hockey more tolerable to watch on TV, I decided to attempt to become an NHL girl this coming season. (Hey, college hockey is great but I need something else to follow when there's no baseball.) But I drew the line: I didn't want to follow the B's if Sullivan was sticking around. I can't fully explain it but this team is going in a new direction and Sullivan's exit was a necessary part of the overhaul.

*****

So bring it on. Let's win the Stanley Cup. Let's see more Chara jerseys around Boston this October than Ortiz ones. The Bruins are back in action and I'm hungry for some hockey.

the continuing idiocy of buck 'n mccarver

I couldn't get my hands on a radio yesterday, so I was forced to watch the FOX telecast of the Red Sox-White Sox game, featuring the always-insightful commentary of Joe "This is What Nepotism Looks Like" Buck and Tim "Who Needs Brain Cells When You Can Have Hair Like a Tub-Scrubber" McCarver. I'm usually pretty good at tuning out that particular broadcast combination, but yesterday was unusually difficult. Apparently, Manny Ramirez' refusal to participate in the All-Star Game on Tuesday merited three straight innings of "analysis" -- and by "analysis," I mean "bitching."

Okay, I get that some people are seriously pissed off that Manny's not playing. I doubt that any of those people have all that much common sense, but whatevs. Personally, I'd rather have a well-rested left fielder with a fully operational muscle system going into the second half; if Manny's going to hurt himself, I'd rather run that risk during a game that actually matters. But I digress. Buck and McCarver were absolutely up in arms over the issue; Manny's "disrespectful," he "owes something to the fans," etc., etc.

What kills me about this?

Buck and McCarver spent more time complaining about Manny and the All-Star Game this week than they talked about Brett Myers, um, PUNCHING HIS WIFE IN THE FACE two weeks ago.

Let's see. A possibly injured player refusing to take part in a glorified exhibition match... a misogynistic jackass who hit his wife in public. Man watching out for his health... wife-beater. Well, gee, I know which one I find more offensive.

Joe Castiglione and Jerry Trupiano, how I missed you so.

the chickball liberation front

As is our wont, Chickball took Independence Day off. Oh, and the week preceding it, too. Come on, though, we're working the All-Star Break (which Manny Ramirez really shouldn't, by the way).

This past weekend, one Chickballer (Suzie) visited another Chickballer (Beth) at her humble abode in Allston, MA. On the Fourth, the four members of the household and their esteemed guest decided to hold a barbeque-picnic, the location of which was moved from "Nickerson Field" to "God dammit, it's sprinkling, we're doing this inside."

While Suzie, Beth, and Chickball friend Megan sat around the air-conditioned living room and drank and watched the Red Sox game, the boys of the house -- Nick and Aaron -- slaved over the hot stove, cooking for the girls.

As Beth said, "I think we just pushed feminism forward about fifty years."

The Red Sox lost, but that was worth it.

*

What I'm not sure about, though, is this: Red Sox, Patriots get lion's share of increase in female fans -- and their buying power (Boston Globe, 7/5/06)

I somewhat resent the implication that the only significant measure of female sports fandom is consumerism. Actually, I really resent it. I also dislike the idea that the article perpetuates about New England sports fandom growing among women simply because of championships -- according to this article, most women are bandwagoneers whose main importance to Red Sox and Patriots Nation is their wallets.

You know what? I've been a New England sports fan since I was in the womb. There is a tiny "1986 American League Champions" t-shirt in my bottom drawer, along with a tiny Boston College sweatshirt (shut up, my family really liked Doug Flutie). There is a mini basketball hoop with Larry Bird's signature on it in my basement. I own twelve Red Sox shirts, five Red Sox hats, two Patriots jerseys, one Bruins t-shirt, and guess what? None of them are pink. My wallet is valuable, but no more valuable than a man's. I don't need added incentive to attend a game; I don't need to have the opportunity to take batting practice, and I don't need a "family-friendly" atmosphere. I'm not a sports fan for the purpose of "keeping up with men," as 29-year-old Leah Willett is. I'm a sports fan because I like sports.

And this isn't a recent development whatsoever. There's more Boston sports memorabilia in my house. A 1967 Jim Lonborg coffee mug. A Bobby Orr biography from the 1970s. A photo of Phil Esposito. And these don't belong to my dad. They belong to my mom, who knows more about hockey than anyone else I know and who could once name every single player on the major league roster of every single baseball team in the 1970s. Had the internet existed thirty years ago, I'm pretty sure my mother would have started Chickball way back then. (First entry: "Why Bobby Orr is Better Than Everyone Reading This Could Ever Hope to Be.")

The female sports fan is definitely different from the male sports demographic. I won't argue that point. We're just as visceral as our male counterparts, and we're just as knowledgeable; but I doubt many of the men reading this enjoy the added benefit of well-built males running around in nicely cut uniforms that televised sporting events provide Chickball and our brethren. (Read: Rich Harden is hot.) There's something to be said for recognizing this; the Mark Mulder-rosin bag "Screaming Girls" commercial the A's did in 2004 is an example. I laughed myself silly at that.

As a Real Woman, I Don't Date Yankees Fans, Sox Fans (like Pam) Do Make Better Lovers, and I'm sure Beth's A Wreck For Tek. But to assume that women are valuable only for their purses and that we need a family-friendly atmosphere to attend games? Show me a "real" Red Sox fan who doesn't enjoy the rough atmosphere of the Fenway bleachers, and I'll show you a poseur who should give that ticket to someone who could really use it.

(Like me.)

Baseball's a business. But don't look down on women and call it "catering to our tastes." Give me a beer, a bleacher seat, and the right to heckle Julian Tavarez in a vulgar manner, and I'm a happy girl.